Last night I had the craziest dream. I’m 100% sure that this dream was brought on by the fact that tomorrow would have been The OCs 47th birthday. Either way, the dream was vivid and felt so real that when I woke up I almost had to convince myself it wasn’t.

People come into your life for a reason. Each one fills a void or plays a part in the story of your life. Some go. Some stay. Some go and come back…you get the picture. But each one is there for a reason. I really believe that. Through a friend of a friend or via the Internet, it doesn’t matter how that relationship came about, it matters that it’s there for that reason.

The OC and Catherine, both friends I lost this past year, played the same identical part in my day to day life. I didn’t realize it until my dream last night. I’m not sure which is stranger, that they played similar roles or the fact that I’m just realizing it now. They were my late night friends. Those kind of friends that sneak into your life after everyone else has gone to bed. The ones that carried on those deep, heart to heart conversations about anything that came across as important at the time. I’m not saying every conversation was of earth shattering importance. Quite the contrary, sometimes the mundane was just a lengthy philosophical lecture. That was the beauty of it. That conversation didn’t have to be important to anyone else, it just had to be important to us at the time. There were never any questions expected to be asked, and the answers were just automatically given. Just a simple “you know what I was thinking about today…” And the words would start flowing.

I miss it.

I didn’t realize it until my dream, but those two gals created a big hole in something that I need in my life. It’s like a puzzle peice is missing. I had them both, then I had one, then I had none. Ever since then I think I’ve been wondering what was out of step, and last night I got the answer.

My mom would call my grandmother late at night, after the dishes were done, the kids tucked away and Johnny Carson had completed his monologue. After my grandmother passed away, I would call my mom late at night.  I called her almost everyday until she passed away. After that, The OC and Catherine filled that void left by my Mom being gone. That same void I filled for my Mom when my grandmother died.

I’ve spent more than half my life having that late night person to be there as my day fades away. Now I don’t have it and it’s quite unsettling (although I’m getting more used to its absence as time goes on.) So thank you to whoever was up there sending me that dream. I’m glad I got the answer to something that has been under my skin and nagging at me.

I don’t have a solution to the problem, but I have an answer and that is half the battle.

Miss you both.

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Finding peace and presence in the holidays.

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I DO!

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America for the win! The #SCOTUS finally determined that same sex marriage is legal across our entire great nation. As it should be. Or should I say, as it should have been all along. At the end of the day, we, as Americans, have bigger issues to focus on than arguing against love. Let’s talk […]

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I’ve been thinking abut mortality lately. Mostly mine, but other peoples too. When I was in the hospital I had two moments where I “went there” in my head. Those thoughts, on any given day, can be a road that leads to isolation and fear, but when you are in the hospital , well, they […]

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Internet friend. I really hate that term. I don’t go through life labeling my other friends, I don’t see why I need to label the ones I meet on-line. A friend is a friend no matter how you meet or how you carry on your relationship. Anyone who says you can’t build relationships through this vast […]

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He better drive a lot slower than 55…!

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A really long rant about the Duggar molestation accusations.

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I’m often asked to write about all things LGBTQ on this blog. It’s why I have this blog, “to be an integral voice of todays culture.” Which I really suck at because I often pass because the subject is too political, there is no win/win or it’s too judgmental. Really. I am often asked to write […]

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Apparently you are never too old to throw a tantrum.

May 15, 2015
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Today I had a tantrum in the doctors office (okay, it was a full blown melt down…) I went in to get my glucose test results for diabetes. The “food” they fed me at the hospital is pure sugar, and since it goes straight into your blood stream and bypasses all forms of digestion that […]

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Happy Mother’s Day!

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 And then these little turdlettes showed up at my front door and suddenly I was a mom and we were a family. And we all lived happily ever after. The End.

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