September 11

September 10, 2014

in Self Awareness

2012-08-02 13.28.22September 11.

Every year I write about it just like it was yesterday.

It’s the type of tragedy that sticks with you like that sticky piece of gum on your memory that makes it easy to recall exactly where you were and what you were doing when you heard the news. I remember feeling an overwhelming panic that hovered somewhere between “this makes no sense” and “oh dear God no…”

A few years before I had a bad plane experience. I travelled a lot for work and on the way home from one of my trips when there was a sudden BOOM and plane dropped from the sky. The lights went off, people went flying, the oxygen masks deployed and then there was silence. That was the worst part. There was no sound, just the rushing air as we nose dived towards the pacific ocean. Somewhere in the midst of the chaos the pilot had gotten control of the plane and diverted us safely back to the airport. To make a long story short, they thought it was a bomb but it turned out we had blown a main gasket mid flight. We landed safely and I eventually got on another flight home.

But even after a few months, I still struggled with air travel. I had a hard time getting back on the horse so to speak. I was uneasy, anxious and downright panicky when I had to fly. So I got help. I went to a guy who specialized in aviation issues (because the other Dr. just wanted to give me Xanax and told me to quit my job.) It took me awhile to figure out that I wasn’t afraid of flying, I was afraid of dying. And not really so much dying, I was afraid of knowing I was going to die. It was the paralyzing fear in those two minutes of pure panic as we were falling that I couldn’t shake.

And as the news unfolded on 9-11 that was what hit me the hardest. So many of the people that died that day knew. They knew the plane was going down or that they wouldn’t make it out of the building. They called loved ones and left messages

United 193 passenger Brian Sweeny to his wife “If things don’t go well, and it’s not looking good, I want you to know I absolutely love you.”

A blessing or a curse, I guess it depends on how you look at it. In such a tragic event, he had the time to say goodbye.

I’m not only in awe of the bravery of so many people that day, but what they did with it.

Message after message after message. None of them filled with voices of panic. Just peace and love consoling their loved ones. It’s nice to think that in a day filled with such hate that at least a little bit of good can seep through and be a cherished memory.

2977 souls died that day and 13 years later a nation still mourns for each and every one of them.

We will always remember.

A special remembrance to our friends, the Gamboa-Brandhorst family. 

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