5 Years.

September 5, 2013

in Family, Mom

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Donna Joyce Pasanen

March 12, 1940 ~ September 5, 2008

 

Five years.

Some days it seems like yesterday, and others it seems like an eternity.

Normally I write my memorial posts about what I have learned over this past year, but I think after five years that’s a bit redundant. I’ve ran the gamut of the 7 steps of grief and probably re-did a few of them a couple of times. The bottom line is there is only so much a loved ones death can teach you before those lessons start becoming your own.

I think that’s where I am at.

My lessons of how to live my life are no longer derived from years of parental lectures or death bed conversations with my mom.

They are my lessons.

Sure, my parents still have influence over me. My thought process and my beliefs were honed under their guidance, but the over all aspect of how I live and the choices I make are mine.

And I kinda like that.

Looking back I know without a shadow of a doubt that they would be proud of my accomplishments (my blog being one, my Mom used to love to read my old one) the family I have built and the way I have embraced my life. I’ve lived up to the adage of what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. I’ve weathered tough times with my shoulders squared and lived each day squeezing the most out of it. I have cried, laughed, loved, lost and given up on a few things along the way. I have unsympathetically made my own path and finally put myself and my family first. And more importantly, I don’t feel guilty about it.

The bottom line is losing someone hurts. It hurts bad. You never know the depths of that pain until you have unfortunately walked through it. Losing both of my parents so young made me grow up. I had to take responsibility for things that were out of my control. I had to dig through the mud of other peoples messes. I had to pick up and dust off my parents legacy. And I had to learn how to re-think my safety net. But now that all of that is done, I’m still here. And I’m happy about where I am at and how I got here. They say you should never judge another’s person grief. That is very true. Everyone handles those 7 steps differently. What may seem wrong to you, isn’t wrong for the person living it. You watch them grieve, but they are the ones grieving. All you can hope is at the end of the day they have weathered the storm and came out the other end as happy and as strong as they can be.

I’ve done that, as proudly and honestly as I possibly could.

So five years…there isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think about my Mom. I know she’s there, I still feel her presence and hear her voice.

I miss her tremendously.

1 Margie September 5, 2013 at 5:42 pm

Well said , as usual.

I have lost in the past few years, granted not my parent but Karla and David and I can say that as hard as that has been for us I can only imagine having lost my mom or dad let alone both. Your mom was a beautiful lady and is missed everyday. I love you my friend.

2 Sandi September 11, 2013 at 8:13 am

Thank you Margie. I love you too. Always be.

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