A Sad Day.

May 27, 2014

in Boys will be Boys, Parenting

IslaVista_0My heart breaks for all the victims of the UCSB tragedy. Words cannot even begin to express my thoughts on what happened. It’s senseless.

The kid, the killer, there are so many things that need to happen in perfect order for someone to react to all the red flags he exhibited. They may seem big and unbelievably obvious after the fact, but before, I can tell you from personal experience people/professionals are reluctant to see them or more aptly, react to them. On the surface, I get it, no one wants to be the bad guy and in todays day and age it’s hard enough to get people to believe their kids did something wrong without blaming someone else or making excuses for them. Can you imagine what it would be like to bring up a subject as touchy as this? You would probably be sued. No one wants to hear that their kid is a potential killer.

In this case the parents did suspect it. They asked for help. Again, this is another slippery slope. I chalk it up to two things 1) people want to see the good in people and that’s not a bad thing 2) I don’t know this kid or his back story, but in my opinion he could very well be a master manipulator, as most of these kids are. They can say the right things at the right time to the right people. Once the authorities hear “I’m fine” they have no other recourse for assistance. It’s the way the laws are built. If they could react to others words, can you imagine how many people would be calling the police and getting people locked up for a grudge?

Our story is different but with some similarities. It took us almost 7 years to get someone to help us. In between there was a whole lot of deflecting and placing of blame. We tried everything. We called in personal favors, changed doctors, spent thousands of dollars trying any type of therapy we could to “fix” the problem. To this day we still run into people who believe we were out of our minds.

I guess you don’t know it until you live it.

My point is that even though now it seems like this tragedy should have been prevented, I’m here to tell you first hand that it’s not so black and white. I feel for the parents because they tried. What happened to them is our worst fears realized. The problem with the system is that people won’t/don’t react until there is an actual problem. Not the threat of a problem. They don’t react until someone gets hurt and by then it’s too late. No one wants to hear what your gut says. It’s just the sad reality.

I’m not making excuses for anyone involved in this. Regardless of all the reasons I listed above, it’s still horrific. I hope, after all these school shootings, people will listen and react to kids that need immediate intervention. It can’t change what already happened but it can hopefully make a difference down the road.

My thoughts, prayers and condolences go out to all the students and families involved in this tragedy.

1 Peady May 28, 2014 at 6:54 pm

I agree. This is a very sad day.

There are so many unknowns.

I like your take on this, because yes, worst fears realized. Just gut wrenchingly awful.

Senseless.

I hope that no one with an icky agenda tries to dominate the tragedy and take it to even worse places. :(

2 Sandi May 30, 2014 at 10:48 am

Peady- I agree. It’s time for all side to come together to figure out a way to address this growing epidemic. Pointing fingers isn’t going to solve the problem. Both sides will have to concede a bit and give the benefit to our children. There is no right or wrong, just something that needs to be fixed.

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