Crossing Enemy Lines

June 9, 2013

in Uncategorized

ad408b946c07a699377aea71b4e09e39I take my friendships very seriously. Especially the trust and mutual respect part. It is a gift that I am grateful for. I think friendships, the good ones anyway, hold both of these in high regard.

The past few years I have learned a lot about myself in terms of what kind of friends I want. I used to be all about the quality, but over time and bumps in the road, I realize I’d trade ten friends for one that is tried and true.

I want the kind of friend that would take a bullet for me, because I’d do the same for them.

Not one that will shoot you in the back.

Or more aptly, talk behind it.

Ironically, they are kind of the same thing.

I know we are all human and what I just explained I don’t always do myself so it’s difficult to expect it from others, but there is a difference between giving your side &/or your opinion and  then there is blatantly spreading ill will about another person. Trust is an important part of friendship and if you are willing to cross lines, don’t expect me to be standing there when you want to come back.

It ain’t happening.

I am a good friend. A loyal friend. And I deserve better. Am I perfect? No, I am not. But, I am trustworthy and you can count on me to not throw you under the bus.

You can also count on me to buy you a drink or dress you up in a boa for a concert, but that’s not really being the type of friend I’m talking about here. I’m talking about the kind of friend that’s there for you no matter what. Who listens and responds and cares about your feelings and what you’re saying. The friend that will fight for you when the chips are down and have your back when things aren’t in tip-top shape.

If you can’t be that kind of friend, kindly pack your bags and leave. I’m not interested in someone trying to play both sides of the fence or someone who says one thing to my face and another to anyone else that will listen. That is not trust, or honor or respect. It’s just simply not being a very good friend.

And I’m not okay with that.

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1 Lori February 9, 2013 at 8:26 pm

Ditto

2 Sandi February 9, 2013 at 9:29 pm

I hear ya Lori! Thanks for the comment!

3 Chris February 9, 2013 at 9:08 pm

So true! I could have written this myself. Sorry it happened to you but thanks for sharing your story. Lets me know that I’m not the only one this happens to. May one good, true, NEW friend be in your future. We all deserve that.

4 Sandi February 9, 2013 at 9:28 pm

Thanks Chris! I truly value my friends and I’m fortunate to have some really good ones. It’s just sad there are people out there who feel better about themselves when they try to bring someone down. I appreciate your comment!

5 Mary February 9, 2013 at 9:27 pm

Nailed it. I have a few friends who have done this. Completely stabbed me. It is an apt term because you feel like you are bleeding and in pain when it happens. Sometimes, it is better to say goodbye now rather than keep hoping they will turn in to what you need. Additionally, I have some friends who I rarely talk to, yet if I need them, they are right there. That counts, too. :)

6 Sandi February 9, 2013 at 9:34 pm

Mary- I couldn”t agree more. The real friends who love and support you make the others seem so small.

7 Shelley February 9, 2013 at 10:02 pm

Dude, did you crawl into my brain when I was sleeping or what? Here’s to faithful friends who stick it out in the bad times, not just the good times. Cheers!

8 Sandi February 9, 2013 at 10:05 pm

Shelley- LOL! Seems to be happening a lot. Luckily the cream rises to the top! Thanks for being one of those friends!

9 Shelley February 11, 2013 at 3:56 pm

Those are exactly the words my husband gave me – “the cream always rises to the top”. He said just be who you are and people will figure it out. I actually had someone I did not know well apologize to me for believing things they were told, prior getting to know me, and realizing later that they judged me prematurely. It was totally unsolicited and so heartfelt. Good example of that statement, and for the most part that has been the case. Thank YOU as well.

10 Sandi February 11, 2013 at 4:33 pm

Shelley- Very true and you are welcome! 😉

11 kathy February 9, 2013 at 10:27 pm

Boy, this hits home with what Maegan is going through with her so called friends right now. Guess this doesn’t change just because we get older, does it??

12 Sandi February 9, 2013 at 11:25 pm

Kathy- Sad but true. I feel bad for Maegan. It’s no fun at any age.

13 Jennifer February 9, 2013 at 11:22 pm

Sandi, you have always been there and been a great friend. You and I have been thru a lot together in the past 8 years. I wouldn’t trade your friendship or anything for granted. Hope we have many many more years as friends . Love ya!!

14 Sandi February 9, 2013 at 11:32 pm

Jen- we have! I know we will always be friends through thick and thin! Love ya back!

15 Chuck February 10, 2013 at 12:23 am

Sandi just remember what I always say “opinions are like ASSHOLES everyone has one”.

16 Sandi February 10, 2013 at 6:23 am

Chuck- That’s a good one! Love it!

17 Bonnie February 10, 2013 at 7:12 am

No matter how old/young we are, it still hurts and shocks us when a friend stabs us in the back. When I turned 40 I did some MAJOR friend housekeeping. Best thing I ever did. I now have a small, and by that I mean 2-3 really good friends, and plenty of acquaintances. Excellent post, Sandi.

18 Sandi February 10, 2013 at 10:04 pm

Bonnie- Thank you, as always for your compliment. It means the world! And I agree, as I get older I get a better grasp of what my morale compass is and what steers it! Cheers to good friends!

19 Lisa February 10, 2013 at 10:53 am

When things like this happen I am usually blindsided because friends are so important and loyal, you just never expect it. So when it does happen, it hurts. But it’s also see these people for who they are, kickem to the curb and focus on those who truly matter. Thanks for being one of those who truly matters! Love ya!

20 Sandi February 10, 2013 at 10:08 pm

Lisa- I saw this one coming, I just thought maybe that person would choose to stick by the words they were telling me instead of trashing me behind my back. It’s sad but I’m glad I trusted my gut and starting parting ways a while ago. The writing was on the wall…BUT, to the victor, comes the spoils! I’m grateful everyday for true friends like yourself that make the tough stuff all worth while!

21 Bonnie February 10, 2013 at 9:59 pm

Hey.. you lost my post !

22 Sandi February 10, 2013 at 10:09 pm

I found it! I had to approve it from my laptop. I’m not sure why? Anyway, it should be there now. Thanks Bonnie!

23 Robin February 11, 2013 at 3:57 pm

I hear you, so much. In my thirties this is something I’ve dealt with a lot. I’ve lost many friends over the years and simply fallen out with even more. I had one best friend who I thought would never backstab me but the first chance she got she did. More than that though I realized after time that she couldn’t be herself with me for some reason and couldn’t open up to me. If the friendship is all on the surface then I’m not interested, I want someone who can open up and be a total mess around me. Sadly, I don’t really have a best girl friend at this point and I do miss it. My best friend at this point is my husband but sometimes that’s not enough.

24 Sandi February 11, 2013 at 4:21 pm

Robin- the not bring authentic part really resonates with me. The more I look back, the more I see what a chameleon she was in our friendship. I really believe that it’s better to not have someone than to have a fake someone. I feel for ya girl!

25 Jodi February 11, 2013 at 4:27 pm

Sandi – I know oh so well what you’re talking about … and it’s sad when you realize that those types of friends will never live up to what you expect of them – or hope they will. Even though you don’t get to see friends as often as you’d like – I know that any of your true friends would be there for you regardless of what’s going on in their lives!! You have always been an amazing friend to me and I will cherish friendship!!!

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