I Eat Pop Tarts http://www.ieatpoptarts.com ...and drink a little vodka. Wed, 19 Jul 2017 12:21:31 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=4.4.10 And then there were none… http://www.ieatpoptarts.com/and-then-there-were-none/ http://www.ieatpoptarts.com/and-then-there-were-none/#comments Sat, 16 Jan 2016 01:31:58 +0000 http://www.ieatpoptarts.com/and-then-there-were-none/ Last night I had the craziest dream. I’m 100% sure that this dream was brought on by the fact that tomorrow would have been The OCs 47th birthday. Either way, the dream was vivid and felt so real that when I woke up I almost had to convince myself it wasn’t. People come into your […]]]>


Last night I had the craziest dream. I’m 100% sure that this dream was brought on by the fact that tomorrow would have been The OCs 47th birthday. Either way, the dream was vivid and felt so real that when I woke up I almost had to convince myself it wasn’t.

People come into your life for a reason. Each one fills a void or plays a part in the story of your life. Some go. Some stay. Some go and come back…you get the picture. But each one is there for a reason. I really believe that. Through a friend of a friend or via the Internet, it doesn’t matter how that relationship came about, it matters that it’s there for that reason.

The OC and Catherine, both friends I lost this past year, played the same identical part in my day to day life. I didn’t realize it until my dream last night. I’m not sure which is stranger, that they played similar roles or the fact that I’m just realizing it now. They were my late night friends. Those kind of friends that sneak into your life after everyone else has gone to bed. The ones that carried on those deep, heart to heart conversations about anything that came across as important at the time. I’m not saying every conversation was of earth shattering importance. Quite the contrary, sometimes the mundane was just a lengthy philosophical lecture. That was the beauty of it. That conversation didn’t have to be important to anyone else, it just had to be important to us at the time. There were never any questions expected to be asked, and the answers were just automatically given. Just a simple “you know what I was thinking about today…” And the words would start flowing.

I miss it.

I didn’t realize it until my dream, but those two gals created a big hole in something that I need in my life. It’s like a puzzle peice is missing. I had them both, then I had one, then I had none. Ever since then I think I’ve been wondering what was out of step, and last night I got the answer.

My mom would call my grandmother late at night, after the dishes were done, the kids tucked away and Johnny Carson had completed his monologue. After my grandmother passed away, I would call my mom late at night.  I called her almost everyday until she passed away. After that, The OC and Catherine filled that void left by my Mom being gone. That same void I filled for my Mom when my grandmother died.

I’ve spent more than half my life having that late night person to be there as my day fades away. Now I don’t have it and it’s quite unsettling (although I’m getting more used to its absence as time goes on.) So thank you to whoever was up there sending me that dream. I’m glad I got the answer to something that has been under my skin and nagging at me.

I don’t have a solution to the problem, but I have an answer and that is half the battle.

Miss you both.

]]>
http://www.ieatpoptarts.com/and-then-there-were-none/feed/ 1
Finding peace and presence in the holidays. http://www.ieatpoptarts.com/finding-peace-and-presence-in-the-holidays/ Sat, 28 Nov 2015 20:10:55 +0000 http://www.ieatpoptarts.com/?p=2806 I won’t go into a long tirade and apologize for my absence because I always seem to do that and end up saying the same thing. There’s really not much more to say except I’ve been busy with my new job and I’m traveling quite a bit for it being a non-travelling job.  I should be home and […]]]>

I won’t go into a long tirade and apologize for my absence because I always seem to do that and end up saying the same thing. There’s really not much more to say except I’ve been busy with my new job and I’m traveling quite a bit for it being a non-travelling job.  I should be home and settle by mid-January when I can hopefully work out a more structured schedule, but until then it’s balls to the walls in last minute year end wrap up.

But this post isn’t about my new job or blog absence, so I’ll quit talking about that and make an abrupt segue into my real post.

The holidays are hard. Grieving makes then harder.

My parents have been gone for seven years, but this time of year is still difficult for me to manage. It’s not like the grief hurts more than it usually does, it’s just that the memories are more present. You reach into a box of decorations and those memories come flooding back in one emotional wave after another. I am not afraid of those feelings, most of the time they give me such a sense of remembrance that it’s worth the twinge of loss I feel at the time. It’s just that they are a constant unforgiving reminder of what might have been. I feel it a lot when I look at my kids and the holiday traditions they are building. I am sad that those memories won’t include either of my parents. That is a hurt that is hard to shake.

I’ve never been shy about acknowledging my Mom’s presence. I swear, sometimes uncanny how her spirit shows up in my life. It’s gone from being unsettling to expected. Even the kids see it and I hope that is something they never stop seeing or feeling.

The other day my distant cousin asked for my Mom’s Pink Lady salad recipe. Again, this is one of the things that has ensconced my Mom in my holidays and has spread into Cheryl’s side of the family and has become a tradition for them too. It makes me proud. As I went to scan the recipe so I could e-mail it to to my cousin, my phone focused on the picture and suddenly a message came on the screen that said “this document has been previously scanned and we have saved a copy for you in your photos.” The things is, I have never scanned this with my phone. I’ve never taken a picture of it with my phone. I did have it saved on my lap-top from scanning it years ago with my fax/scanner, but I’ve never taken a picture or scanned it on a mobile device, but sure as shit, there it was.

Yesterday I was driving down to San Diego to pick up my nephew. Those three grandkids were my Mom and Dad’s pride and joy. They ADORED them. As I was driving I was telling my boys about how happy my Mom would be that we have kept in contact and built a relationship with my nephew. Things with my sister have gotten out of control crazy and my nephew is not even a part of her life. I’ve been very fortunate that my ex sister-in-law has been more than willing to allow him to stay in our lives and has gone out of her way to nurture our relationship with him. She doesn’t need to do that. It would be so easy for her to just close the door and move on.

I am so grateful that she hasn’t.

As I am explaining this, a song randomly shows up on my iPhone. It was my Mom’s song to my sister and I and she revived it with the grandkids. I’m not gonna lie, we all cried.

Then, after a great day with all the boys, we dropped off my nephew and was settling in for our drive home when I received a text from a very dear friend. Years ago I had given all the special people in my life a poem I found buried in my Mom’s belongings. It obviously had special meaning to her as she had many copies and had kept them kept safely for years. My friend sent me a picture of her framed copy and told me that she puts it out every year for the holidays and she wanted me to know that it was still a very valued treasure and a big part of her holiday. It was so nice to know that my Mom’s presence is still felt, not just by me, but the many people she touched.

]]>
I’M BACK! http://www.ieatpoptarts.com/im-back/ http://www.ieatpoptarts.com/im-back/#comments Sat, 19 Sep 2015 18:58:13 +0000 http://www.ieatpoptarts.com/?p=2763 10592834_10152244801026945_2140582836864403097_nLook who is back! (It’s me, in case you were wondering…) I took a month off to sort through some contractual obligations for this blog and then that parlayed into a much longer hiatus than I expected. But I am back, fully loaded (and funded) and ready to write on previously approved posts and some […]]]>

10592834_10152244801026945_2140582836864403097_nLook who is back!

(It’s me, in case you were wondering…)

I took a month off to sort through some contractual obligations for this blog and then that parlayed into a much longer hiatus than I expected.

But I am back, fully loaded (and funded) and ready to write on previously approved posts and some never to mention subjects. One of those subjects being my new place of employment. That’s right! If you haven’t already heard the big news after a twelve year “retirement” I went back to work full time! The funny thing is, I ended up in the same exact place I left off! I am not sure what they chances are for that happening, but it did and I couldn’t be happier. Obviously since I am now an employee of a national/world wide company I have some things I can’t talk about, which is anything and all things work related. So don’t ask. I wont tell. Ever. But I will refer to my “job’ and Cheryl’s “job” and how that affects our family and home life. There are bound to be some stories there, just not specific ones.

We’ve had A LOT of changes in our family dynamic that I am itching to tell you about. And we’ve also  had some pretty cool moments since I’ve last blogged, so I will fill you in on those too.

Thanks for hanging in with me while I sorted all this out, your faithfulness is very much appreciated.

]]>
http://www.ieatpoptarts.com/im-back/feed/ 1
I DO! http://www.ieatpoptarts.com/i-do/ http://www.ieatpoptarts.com/i-do/#comments Fri, 26 Jun 2015 18:59:24 +0000 http://www.ieatpoptarts.com/?p=2714 2013-03-26 08.37.48America for the win! The #SCOTUS finally determined that same sex marriage is legal across our entire great nation. As it should be. Or should I say, as it should have been all along. At the end of the day, we, as Americans, have bigger issues to focus on than arguing against love. Let’s talk […]]]>

2013-03-26 08.37.48America for the win!

The #SCOTUS finally determined that same sex marriage is legal across our entire great nation.

As it should be.

Or should I say, as it should have been all along.

At the end of the day, we, as Americans, have bigger issues to focus on than arguing against love. Let’s talk about poverty, homelessness, mental health, sex trafficking and our educational deficiencies. Those things are big deals. Fighting against love just seems so petty and irrelevant in comparison. To me getting a marriage license doesn’t really rank against all those other social injustices that are happening in our world. In fact, getting a marriage license is almost the most unceremonious thing you can do. You make an appointment with the County Recorder, you stand in line and wait for your number to be called. It is on par with renewing your Driver’s License at the DMV. Unromantic. Stressful. Rage Inducing. I firmly believe that if couples willingly withstand the stress of getting their marriage license they deserve the right of marriage. Everyone who gets married in the United States goes through this ritual. It’s mandatory. It is how your marriage is recorded and recognized in your County and State. That is the right I was fighting for. THAT right. I wasn’t fighting for your church to recognize my marriage, or to get married in your church. I just wanted to stand in that horrific line at the County Recorders office and raise my right hand and swear that everything I listed on my marriage license is true.

The “ceremony” part of the marriage is just that, a ceremony. It in itself doesn’t make you married. You can do the ceremony part anywhere, not just in a church. That’s where I believe people have the right to perform, or not perform, a marriage ceremony. Sure it would be great if this ruling was all inclusive, but it’s not, and maybe it shouldn’t be. That’s where the RIGHT to PERFORM a gay marriage comes in. I can’t speak for all gay people but if your church doesn’t want to perform my marriage, then I am pretty sure I don’t want to get married there anyway.

Cheryl and I had a civil ceremony in Key West, Florida when Domestic Partnership was approved and we got married when California made it legal. I told her this morning that since we have gotten married at every legal level that we need to celebrate this historic announcement with another wedding Three for Three!

Today is a good day. It’s historic and it’s amazing and it’s about damn time.

#LoveIsLove

“No union is more profound than marriage, for it embodies the highest ideals of love, fidelity, devotion, sacrifice, and family. In forming a marital union, two people become something greater than once they were,” Kennedy wrote. “As some of the petitioners in these cases demonstrate, marriage embodies a love that may endure even past death. It would misunderstand these men and women to say they disrespect the idea of marriage. Their plea is that they do respect it, respect it so deeply that they seek to find its fulfillment for themselves, their hope is not to be condemned to live in loneliness, excluded from one of civilization’s oldest institutions. They ask for equal dignity in the eyes of the law. The Constitution grants them that right. The judgement of the Court of Appeals for the Sixth Circuit is reversed. It is so ordered.”

 

]]>
http://www.ieatpoptarts.com/i-do/feed/ 1
Ashes to ashes… http://www.ieatpoptarts.com/ashes-to-ashes/ http://www.ieatpoptarts.com/ashes-to-ashes/#comments Mon, 15 Jun 2015 23:19:38 +0000 http://www.ieatpoptarts.com/?p=2700 thI’ve been thinking abut mortality lately. Mostly mine, but other peoples too. When I was in the hospital I had two moments where I “went there” in my head. Those thoughts, on any given day, can be a road that leads to isolation and fear, but when you are in the hospital , well, they […]]]>

thI’ve been thinking abut mortality lately. Mostly mine, but other peoples too. When I was in the hospital I had two moments where I “went there” in my head. Those thoughts, on any given day, can be a road that leads to isolation and fear, but when you are in the hospital , well, they are even more pronounced. I think because my parents died earlier than most and I have been faced with death I am more aware of my mortality. I’m not scared of dying, but I am very scared about not living life to it’s fullest.

I guess I am an optimist when it comes to death.

I want to live my life within every single moment of every single day. I don’t want my last thoughts to be “I wish I would have done…” I want to do it when I am alive and well. And yes, I do think about death. How can I not? My parents are gone, I’ve had more than my fair share of “oh crap” biopsies. But at some point you have to choose to be either paralyzed by the thought of death or be motivated by it.

I choose to be motivated by it.

I can remember very clearly the first time I was scared about dying. I was in the hospital, I had a fever that kept going up and I had a lot of concerned doctors and nurses milling about, taking blood, hooking me up to an exorbitant amount of antibiotics and talking about necrotic tissue and whether or not I could physically handle another surgery “if I had to.” I remember thinking, this is it. This is how it’s going down. I’m going to die because I can’t poop.

I know it sounds funny now, but then, uh, not so much.

I was terrified of another surgery. I was freaked out by staph infections and colostomy bags. I realize now, it was just the fear of what I had gone through that was stimulating the fear over my fever. But still. At that time it was really easy to picture how badly everything could have ended up being.

Focus on the words, could have.

I could have had to have another surgery. I could have had a colostomy bag. I could have died from infection.

But I didn’t. And honestly, I probably wasn’t going to, but at that moment the fear made me believe that I really could have.

The second time was a little more scary. My NG tube punctured something and without warning blood came spurting up out of everywhere. Nurses are like flight attendants, there is no need to panic unless you see them panic and if they do, by all means join in. They worked quickly, swiftly and within seconds my room was filled with an xray machine, doctors and a crash cart. It was a surreal and helpless moment as I lay there why they frantically tried to figure out where the bleeding was coming from (and they still don’t know, probably scratched something in my esophagus because for the next few weeks I had trouble swallowing and talking, but we will probably never really know for sure.) Again, at that moment, with the coordinated chaos happening around me, I went there. Staring straight up and not being able to move as they feverishly talked about transfusions, controlling my airway and emergency tracheotomies.

And as soon as it started, it was over. I could breath, the bleeding stopped and everything was hunky dory.

And I have to say, I was in no way shape or form in any real danger of dying in any of these instances. I just felt that despair. That helplessness. The lack of control. The exhaustion. The frustration. I felt it all, right then and there, and those feelings over rode every sense I had.

Someone recently said to me “once you lose the fear over dying, you start living.” I’m not sure if she made it up or someone else did, but it is so true. We will all die at some point. Some people will die through tragic circumstance, others way to young, some will live until old age. You never know how or when you are going to leave this world. That’s why I choose to make the most of it. Someday my number will come up and it won’t be a false alarm, it’ll be the real deal. I want to be ready for that moment, not just mentally prepared, but with leaving with no regrets. It sounds stupid and very cliché, but it’s so true.

Carpe Diem.

]]>
http://www.ieatpoptarts.com/ashes-to-ashes/feed/ 2
In memory of Catherine. http://www.ieatpoptarts.com/in-memory-of-catherine/ http://www.ieatpoptarts.com/in-memory-of-catherine/#comments Thu, 11 Jun 2015 00:15:45 +0000 http://www.ieatpoptarts.com/?p=2683 IMG_9106Internet friend. I really hate that term. I don’t go through life labeling my other friends, I don’t see why I need to label the ones I meet on-line. A friend is a friend no matter how you meet or how you carry on your relationship. Anyone who says you can’t build relationships through this vast […]]]>

IMG_9106Internet friend.

I really hate that term. I don’t go through life labeling my other friends, I don’t see why I need to label the ones I meet on-line. A friend is a friend no matter how you meet or how you carry on your relationship. Anyone who says you can’t build relationships through this vast world of web connection is a liar. I’ve met some of my best people here.

 

**I totally needed to set the record straight on that before I launch into the real reason for this post**

Yesterday a friend of mine died.

As I said above, I refuse to call her an internet friend, she was much more than that.

her death was  sudden and very unexpected. It wasn’t an accident or something traumatic either. One minute she wasn’t feeling well and the next she was gone.

I met Catherine years ago through blogging. Back then blogging was a thing. It was a living breathing culture and the people involved in it created this little nucleus of community that still survives today even though half of the people in the community don’t blog. Catherine was one of those people. Back in the day blogging was a necessity to me. I had walked away from my corporate job and into the life as a stay at home mom. Everything was new to me. I didn’t have my job, I didn’t have any social support and I have three kids who were nothing more than little strangers suddenly roaming around my house, calling me mom.

It was a surreal time as I tried to adjust to my new reality.

I began blogging as a way to communicate with people and to emotionally unload. Things were not easy for our family at that time. One of our kids was having a difficult time with the adjustment and was making our lives a living hell. I found my voice through my blog and then I found even more.

Enter Catherine.

On those days when I was emotionally drained, sick of just about everything and ready to just give up, she was there. I can almost remember her exact words the first time we connected on a deeper level other than a “nice post!” comment. I was trying to keep things kind of nicey-nice on my blog, after all, I signed up to do this. I chose to adopt these little ones. I asked for it. I didn’t think I had room to complain. After one agonizing post where I kept trying (to no avail) to justify my kids antics, she private messaged me and said “girl, you need to let it out! You are allowed to bitch about those kids! You can love them and still be pissed off to high heaven with them!”

Words I took to heart and it helped being able to acknowledge my feelings. I thank her for that. For allowing me space on my blog to have my voice not be judged.

Through Facebook we found an easier way to communicate. We talked about a lot of stuff, some pretty intimately. She was one of those people who made you think. She asked deep questions that stirred my intellect and my funny bone. I was her go to lesbian and she made sure I knew (almost daily) how much she supported me and equal rights. We made plans for her and her husband to come for a visit and go to Disneyland and a lesbian bar. I’ve never been to a lesbian bar so it would have been the first time for both of us. :)

We both loved hockey. LOVED IT. But we hated each others favorite teams and that provided an opportunity for lots of shit talking between us. It’s going to be pretty tough to make it through these next few Stanley Cup games without her constant banter on the other end of Messenger.

I’ll miss her a million other ways too.

She was a constant. A lifeline on the other side of my screen. I valued her friendship, her honesty and her support.

Rest in Peace Catherine.

PS: I just realized she won’t be here to comment on this blog post, because she always commented on my blog. Whether it be via comment, Messenger or a lengthy email, she always had something to say. I’m going to miss that most of all.

]]>
http://www.ieatpoptarts.com/in-memory-of-catherine/feed/ 2
He better drive a lot slower than 55…! http://www.ieatpoptarts.com/he-better-drive-a-lot-slower-than-55/ Fri, 05 Jun 2015 00:36:43 +0000 http://www.ieatpoptarts.com/?p=2678 dmvYesterday my youngest son earned his driver’s license. This makes me very happy, horribly nervous and proud. But mostly nervous. My son is wonderful. He really is! He is smart. He is polite. He is a tremendous athlete. And he is also a moronic 16 year old boy. It’s the last part that scares the […]]]>

dmvYesterday my youngest son earned his driver’s license.

This makes me very happy, horribly nervous and proud.

But mostly nervous.

My son is wonderful. He really is! He is smart. He is polite. He is a tremendous athlete. And he is also a moronic 16 year old boy.

It’s the last part that scares the beejesus out of me.

The thought of him driving the streets while he can’t seem to remember to pick up his dirty clothes is hard for me to wrap my head around.

I am assuming I am not the only parent with this worry.

A driver’s license is a rite of passage. I can still remember the thrill of getting behind the wheel for the first time by myself. It was probably the first time that I not only felt gown up, I kinda was. I was responsible for something bigger than myself and I respected that responsibility.

I hope my son does too.

And if he doesn’t he still has his bike and I am not afraid to follow through on that threat.

Good job Andrew! Enjoy your freedom!

]]>
A really long rant about the Duggar molestation accusations. http://www.ieatpoptarts.com/a-really-long-rant-about-the-duggar-molestation-accusations/ http://www.ieatpoptarts.com/a-really-long-rant-about-the-duggar-molestation-accusations/#comments Fri, 22 May 2015 20:22:07 +0000 http://www.ieatpoptarts.com/?p=2648 FullSizeRenderI’m often asked to write about all things LGBTQ on this blog. It’s why I have this blog, “to be an integral voice of todays culture.” Which I really suck at because I often pass because the subject is too political, there is no win/win or it’s too judgmental. Really. I am often asked to write […]]]>

FullSizeRenderI’m often asked to write about all things LGBTQ on this blog. It’s why I have this blog, “to be an integral voice of todays culture.” Which I really suck at because I often pass because the subject is too political, there is no win/win or it’s too judgmental. Really. I am often asked to write these eye for an eye posts where I am  supposed to point out the other sides personal attacks on me by writing a personal attack on them.

That just doesn’t seem like it’s moving the subject forward.

“Write a post on how their judgment is very judgy and be really judgmental about it.”

No thanks, I’ll pass.

But then there things like the Josh Duggar from 19 Kids and Counting scandal pops up on my radar and I find myself immersed in research and hanging on every word that the media reports on the subject.

Why?

Because I watch the show. That’s right I WATCH IT. I always have. Since day one on TLC I have seen every single episode. I realize that this revelation will (and has) caused people to say I am not a very good lesbian. I seriously don’t know how or why this lessens my lesbianism anymore than it makes straight people straighter for watching. I watch it because it entertains me. I don’t watch it for the religious overtones. I don’t watch it because of what they say to the media. I watch it because I’m interested in those kids. I mean, you have not seen such a large laundry operation go as seamlessly until you have seen the Duggars do laundry.

I guess my point here is that this is a really big world with so many different people, beliefs, cultures and religions that if I ignored the ones that didn’t fall in line with who I am, I’d probably live in a really small world.

So if the Duggars want to go on record that they don’t support gay marriage, well I guess they have the right to believe that and support it. Again, trying not to pass judgment on their judgment.

But this thing with the cover up of the child molestation…that’s a little harder to ignore.

Okay A LOT harder to ignore.

IMG_8621That’s not just spewing words that are hurtful, that is downright causing harm to another person. Life long irreversible harm. The media has been all over this story, but the interesting part to me is that there hasn’t been but a whisper of mention about the girls that he molested. The Duggars went out of their way, very methodically and intentionally to protect their son, but very little (at least through what has been reported at this time) has been done to assure the girls involved in this crime were treated and kept safe. Sexual predators (and yes, even though he was a 14 year old boy, that is what I am going to call him) rarely stop on their own accord. Josh admittedly had multiple victims over a span of time. That’s not sexually curiosity, that’s molestation.

You know what is so surprising about all of this? Is that it is not so surprising.

We, as humans, are not so perfect and anyone claiming to be is a bullshitting liar. The cracks of imperfection in the Duggar family was bound to start showing at one point or another. Regardless of how much you believe in God or how conservative you are in your convictions, you are still flawed. And I mean flawed in the best way possible. That each of us are different, unique and have our own minds and speak our own words. It is the way we were intended to be; to be a beautiful mess. But we have made it a habit in our culture to look down on people who are not like us and do not share our same beliefs. We have self imposed rules and unleashed hate on those that don’t believe as we do. Look no further than the politics of our country to see that rhetoric and hate have trumped respect any day of the week. We have handed the microphone to just about anyone who wants it and given them a stage to say whatever they want with out any qualification. And those words about “greater good” and “being for the people” and “liberty and justice FOR ALL” have been taken out of our speeches and have been replaced with discrimination and finger pointing. Look no further than your Facebook page to see how much rhetoric and hate/disrespect you have in your life. IT IS EVERYWHERE and yet we wonder why the world is the way that it is. We have all picked sides and until we un pick them and just simply have respect for politics and religious freedom, things are not going to change. That little black book doesn’t put you on a higher pedestal than the rest of humankind, but if you think it does and you put yourself on it, then expect your fall to be a little further than the rest of us that keep our gloriously flawed feet firmly planted on the ground.

I think I eventually have a point to this rant, just hang with me for another second…

The Duggars covered up a horrific crime and they expect the world to over look it because their son has asked God for redemption and forgiveness and he has, by his own account, received it once again putting himself back on the pedestal.

What about the victims?  What about how someone, somewhere decided that IT was FINE. That IT was TAKEN CARE OF. Just because you read the bible, or pray to God, that may make you feel better but it doesn’t take away the damage that has been done anymore than acknowledging wrong doing AFTER you have been exposed (no pun intended)  heals the innocent victims.

The Duggar’s dropped the ball on this one.

Josh is going to get his day in the court of public scrutiny, which I guess is better than nothing. But it comes at a great cost to his family, his wife and his kids. The fact that dealing with it now just dragged more innocent victims through the mud makes this sad story all the more sad.

 

]]>
http://www.ieatpoptarts.com/a-really-long-rant-about-the-duggar-molestation-accusations/feed/ 1
Apparently you are never too old to throw a tantrum. http://www.ieatpoptarts.com/apparently-you-are-never-too-old-to-throw-a-tantrum/ http://www.ieatpoptarts.com/apparently-you-are-never-too-old-to-throw-a-tantrum/#comments Fri, 15 May 2015 18:29:10 +0000 http://www.ieatpoptarts.com/?p=2638 1099b6def8bd50f1bfb36b42dc5280d3Today I had a tantrum in the doctors office (okay, it was a full blown melt down…) I went in to get my glucose test results for diabetes. The “food” they fed me at the hospital is pure sugar, and since it goes straight into your blood stream and bypasses all forms of digestion that […]]]>

1099b6def8bd50f1bfb36b42dc5280d3Today I had a tantrum in the doctors office (okay, it was a full blown melt down…) I went in to get my glucose test results for diabetes. The “food” they fed me at the hospital is pure sugar, and since it goes straight into your blood stream and bypasses all forms of digestion that normally break down sugar, it makes you hella diabetic when you are on it. Once they wean you off of the crap there is still a very good chance that this stuff can trigger your body into having diabetes. Yes, it keeps you alive, but the draw back is many patients on it end up being type 1 diabetics for the rest of their lives. That is one nasty side affect if you ask me.  Luckily my test came back fine. No drama there.

But…

I have something going on with my bladder/kidney, I have had it since I came home from the hospital and no one seems to know what the hell it is. I can tell they don’t know because two doctors on two separate occasions said something to the effect of “well, lets see if this works and if is doesn’t let’s try something else.” That statement is not a raging endorsement that they know what they are dealing with. The past three days I have been running a doozy of a fever and I can’t seem to shake it, I’m tired, I have a headache and I’m achy. They have tested, double tested and re-tested my pee and the only thing my urine test is negative for is pregnancy, the rest of it lights up like a 1970’s disco club. So it could be anything.

And then…

They want to knock me out again and shove a scope up my bum. (This is where you insert my tantrum.) I honestly freaked out. I realize part of my body has not been cooperating with the healing process, BUT I also think it’s too soon to jump to any conclusions. Recovery for bowel surgery takes time. There is no quick fix, no easy way through. It just takes time. Lot’s of time.

So I put my foot down and had a little shout-fest with my doctor. At the end of the day, it’s my call. All of these extra medical things are residual issues from my surgeries, but are not related to my surgeries in anyway. As for recovery from my surgeries, I am doing great! Not a single solitary problem and I am ahead of schedule. This other crap is from being put under anesthesia three times in three weeks, lying in bed for two weeks with no food or water and getting pumped full of medicines by the gallon.

IM.SO.OVER.IT.

I’ve been a good sport, following doctors orders and not complaining too much. But yesterday I reached my breaking point. I am more than ready to get back into a normal routine and just enjoy how good I’m feeling. All those little pesky things will go away eventually, until then they really don’t bother me too much.

So, if you are listening medical gods, it’s time to move on. Let it go already.

]]>
http://www.ieatpoptarts.com/apparently-you-are-never-too-old-to-throw-a-tantrum/feed/ 1
Happy Mother’s Day! http://www.ieatpoptarts.com/happy-mothers-day/ Sun, 10 May 2015 15:36:01 +0000 http://www.ieatpoptarts.com/?p=2634 F&A And then these little turdlettes showed up at my front door and suddenly I was a mom and we were a family. And we all lived happily ever after. The End.]]>

F&A And then these little turdlettes showed up at my front door and suddenly I was a mom and we were a family.

And we all lived happily ever after.

The End.

]]>