How not to raise a jerk kid.

March 10, 2015

in Books, Boys will be Boys

1484c8b77a4b35d6864c7ec7a19e7ff3I love this.

I don’t love that children are becoming narcissistic ego maniacs, but I love that the phenomenon is being acknowledged.

For years we battled this beast with the oldest. Narcissism was one of the few diagnosis’ that seemed to stick as we roamed from doctor to doctor. We learned early on the dangers of what a seeming simple word could mean for our kid as he grew up. Granted what we had to deal with and the self imposed type of narcissism mentioned in that article are not completely interchangeable, but some of the outcomes are and that’s kind of scary.

Creating a false sense of importance in our kids is a slippery slope.

I heard this motivation speaker named Tyler Durman and something he said has really stuck with me.

“Early suffering is easier suffering”

I’m paraphrasing, but what it means is allowing our kids to feel defeat, struggle and to figure things out on their own now, while they are young, will limit their exposure to the same issues but with much larger consequences later.

And that’s a really good thing.

We all want what is best for our children but making your kid feel like they are the Tom Brady of the football field when they are really better suited for second string isn’t what’s best. It sets them up for failure and not just failure on completing that 3rd down, but failure when they are 27 and can’t figure out why they aren’t running the company instead of working hard at the entry level job they just got hired at.

It’s hard to un-do that kind of damage. Not to mention the sense of anxiety it causes the kid when they can’t reach your lofty expectation.

It’s a no win.

When we were going through years of Frankie’s therapy, one of the things that stuck was REALISTIC EXPECTATIONS. Setting them, communicating them and enforcing them for both the parent and the child. It’s hard. We want to empower and support and make our kids confidence skyrocket, but you can’t will it to happen.  Sometimes are kids are going to fail. Miserably. Horribly. Embarrassingly. They’ll also learn from it. How to be humble, how to persevere and how to have a thick skin. All great lessons to carry with them through life.

Parenting is hard, man. So when the time comes and we feel those words putting down the other kid, degrading the teacher or blaming the coach coming from our lips, maybe it’s time to zip it and take a step back. Our kids will be great on their own, we just need to give them time to do it naturally and not try to force the issue.

To buy Tyler Durman’s book, click here.

1 Laurel March 11, 2015 at 11:43 am

LOVE this post! Bang on!

2 Sandi March 29, 2015 at 5:44 pm

As always, Thanks Lo for your support!

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