I really hate that term. I don’t go through life labeling my other friends, I don’t see why I need to label the ones I meet on-line. A friend is a friend no matter how you meet or how you carry on your relationship. Anyone who says you can’t build relationships through this vast world of web connection is a liar. I’ve met some of my best people here.
**I totally needed to set the record straight on that before I launch into the real reason for this post**
Yesterday a friend of mine died.
As I said above, I refuse to call her an internet friend, she was much more than that.
her death was sudden and very unexpected. It wasn’t an accident or something traumatic either. One minute she wasn’t feeling well and the next she was gone.
I met Catherine years ago through blogging. Back then blogging was a thing. It was a living breathing culture and the people involved in it created this little nucleus of community that still survives today even though half of the people in the community don’t blog. Catherine was one of those people. Back in the day blogging was a necessity to me. I had walked away from my corporate job and into the life as a stay at home mom. Everything was new to me. I didn’t have my job, I didn’t have any social support and I have three kids who were nothing more than little strangers suddenly roaming around my house, calling me mom.
It was a surreal time as I tried to adjust to my new reality.
I began blogging as a way to communicate with people and to emotionally unload. Things were not easy for our family at that time. One of our kids was having a difficult time with the adjustment and was making our lives a living hell. I found my voice through my blog and then I found even more.
On those days when I was emotionally drained, sick of just about everything and ready to just give up, she was there. I can almost remember her exact words the first time we connected on a deeper level other than a “nice post!” comment. I was trying to keep things kind of nicey-nice on my blog, after all, I signed up to do this. I chose to adopt these little ones. I asked for it. I didn’t think I had room to complain. After one agonizing post where I kept trying (to no avail) to justify my kids antics, she private messaged me and said “girl, you need to let it out! You are allowed to bitch about those kids! You can love them and still be pissed off to high heaven with them!”
Words I took to heart and it helped being able to acknowledge my feelings. I thank her for that. For allowing me space on my blog to have my voice not be judged.
Through Facebook we found an easier way to communicate. We talked about a lot of stuff, some pretty intimately. She was one of those people who made you think. She asked deep questions that stirred my intellect and my funny bone. I was her go to lesbian and she made sure I knew (almost daily) how much she supported me and equal rights. We made plans for her and her husband to come for a visit and go to Disneyland and a lesbian bar. I’ve never been to a lesbian bar so it would have been the first time for both of us.
We both loved hockey. LOVED IT. But we hated each others favorite teams and that provided an opportunity for lots of shit talking between us. It’s going to be pretty tough to make it through these next few Stanley Cup games without her constant banter on the other end of Messenger.
I’ll miss her a million other ways too.
She was a constant. A lifeline on the other side of my screen. I valued her friendship, her honesty and her support.
Rest in Peace Catherine.
PS: I just realized she won’t be here to comment on this blog post, because she always commented on my blog. Whether it be via comment, Messenger or a lengthy email, she always had something to say. I’m going to miss that most of all.