Missing Mom – 6 Years Today.

September 5, 2014

in Mom

DSC00808_edited-1My Mom died six years ago today. There are so many thoughts about that rolling around in my head about my Mom, but I hesitate to write them because I feel like they have all been said before. Grief never really lessens, it ebbs and flows and constantly changes. It’s like a weight on your shoulders that never goes away, just some days it’s easier to lift than others.

She’s missed so much of our lives but we will still have so many happy memories of her that it seems to balance out. I dread the day where the future she is missing becomes larger than the past memories. It’s a fear that sometimes weighs heavily on me.

This year instead of writing all the ways my Mom has influenced me this year, I thought I’d list six little known facts about my Mom. She was quirky and crazy and flawed, as we all are, but in all the right ways.

1) My Mom taught ceramics and copper enameling for years. We always had kilns in our garage when growing up. Although I still have a few pieces of her artwork, I wish I had paid more attention to it when I was younger. I think it would have been neat to learn that skill from her and continue it on as her legacy of sorts and  kept more of her artwork. Some of it was bulky and cumbersome but now I wish I had kept a lot more than I did. They are pieces of her history that can’t be replicated.

2) She loved to keep score of the San Diego Padre games in an actual paper scorebook as she watched the games. She would do this whether she was at the game or watching it from home on the TV. In her prime, you couldn’t find a person who knew the team stats better than she did.

3) She was in a car accident that killed a man who was driving a motorcycle. The accident wasn’t her fault (at all) and when she would recall the story over the years she would always bless that man for saving our lives. She swears they made eye contact the moment that the motorcycle driver crossed the double yellow line and she saw fear, panic and quick reaction from him to lay the bike down instead of hitting us head on. I know that moment and that accident hung over her like a bad nightmare until the day she died.

4) My Mom was an alcoholic and attended AA meetings until she became to sick to go. She was sober for over 25 years when she died but she still held onto her sobriety like a badge of honor and was petrified that as she was dying if she took too many pain pills she would relapse. We fought over that until she died. I wanted her to be comfortable and didn’t care how many she took to manage her pain and she was worried about following the prescription, which often wasn’t enough to cover the pain of bone cancer. dp day

5) My Mom loved St. Fancis of Assisi. Although born Catholic, she wasn’t really religious in her adult years but there was something about him that stuck with her. We currently have her statue of him by our front door (really) and the reading of his poem at her memorial service was one of her final requests to me.

6) My Mom was a teacher for many, many, many years at Grossmont Adult School. She taught just about anything from running nursing care facilities, to sex after 60 to her beloved ceramics. She received tons of awards like Teacher of the Year and was an appointed member of the White House Council of Aging with Jimmy Carter/Ronal Regan. After her death the city of Lemon Grove in San Diego dedicated October 3 (the day of her memorial and my parents wedding anniversary) as Donna Pasanen Day.

As the years go by I don’t miss her any less, I just miss her differently. I love you Mom. Always.

1 Laurel September 5, 2014 at 9:44 am

This is an awesome tribute to your mom! Like I’ve said before, I am so fortunate to have met her and wow, what an impression! She rocked and continues to do so:) Hugs

2 Sandi September 5, 2014 at 3:18 pm

Lola- Thank you! She’s made it very easy to remember her so well.

3 Dee Venter September 5, 2014 at 10:29 am

This is beautifully written :)

4 Sandi September 5, 2014 at 3:16 pm

Dee- Thank you very much!

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