Only Partially Married

July 30, 2012

in Uncategorized

I am legally married in the State of California, but not anywhere else.

To say my marriage is separate and not very equal would be an understatement.

For us gay people who are partially married, today is a big day. Today the Federal Supreme Court should decide in a closed-door meeting whether or not they want to join in on the legalities of California Prop 8.

I’m assuming it’s like trying to figure out if they want to poke the hornet’s nest or not. (You touch it…no, you touch it…)

I am hopeful that equality will prevail.

If not, think of all those wedding gifts I’d have to return.

That would suck.

But on the flip side, they could decide to over-turn DOMA and that would be nice. I wouldn’t have to carry a shit load of paperwork in my glove box that says I am Cheryl’s legal and official wife. We wouldn’t have to file separate Federal taxes and we would get a refund back instead of having to pay DOUBLE the taxes that real married people have to pay. (Seriously. Don’t complain to me about how much Federal tax you pay. Just don’t.) And I could be listed as Cheryl’s spouse instead of her dependant, which is humiliating yet very true all at the same time.

I know that there are many people who think us gay people are just a whiny bunch of ninnies who just want to be treated fairly and equally, but it’s really much more than that. It’s not just human rights, it’s also all of the legalities of not being equal in the eyes of most federal institutions. Things straight people take for granted.

“The outcome carries economic and social consequences for gay, lesbian and bisexual couples, who now are unable to access Social Security survivor benefits, file joint income taxes, inherit a deceased spouse’s pension or obtain family health insurance.”

Don’t get me wrong, I am grateful for what I have. I get to call my wife, my wife. No one can take that away. And I am grateful that for at least 4 months (142 days, if you are counting) out of California’s 162 year existence, where I was allowed the same rights as everyone else. I hope that at the end of the day people will realize that my marriage, or any other future gay/lesbian marriages, won’t influence the sanctity of your marriage. It will just open up doors for streamlined paperwork and an easier understanding of laws at both the state and federal levels.

And I’d get to keep my wedding gifts!

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1 Catherine December 12, 2012 at 5:37 pm

I was incredibly humbled by the ease with which I was able to obtain a marriage license with my husband in Indiana. It is discrimination, pure and simple. Two legal adults, anywhere, should be able to walk into a government office, fill out a form, attest to its truth, and walk out with a legally valid license to be wed.

2 Sandi December 12, 2012 at 7:35 pm

I agree. With so many divorces and out of church weddings, marriage isn’t the same that it used to be. It’s evolved. Why get trapped in a bad marriage because the church says you have to? Things change and on this issue, they should too. Marriage really doesn’t affect anyone but the people in it. Thanks for your comment and for your support! It’s so nice to have friends who look out for you!

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