Parenting. It’s just a big guessing game.

January 8, 2014

in Boys will be Boys, Family, NaBloPoMo

parentI hate pressuring my kids into getting things accomplished. It is such a fine line between letting them figure it out and potentially failing or giving them a swat in the ass to reach their goals.

What is a Mom to do?

Frankie was a little less challenging because he never pushed himself to attain high standards. He could have gotten A’s in high school, but he was okay with D’s. They wanted to promote him at work, but he was content with just being a cashier. If you did push (and sometimes we tried) he was even less likely to get it done. His Psychologist once said that Frankie was the hardest person he had even treated when it came to expectation. Although he wanted the glory, he had little desire for the work he needed to put behind it. The Doctor said he put himself in a no win quandary because he wanted to attain the highest riches and accolades, but he had absolutely no desire to work for it. In the end, he was always mad at the world that he didn’t get what he wanted and he was mad at the world that they didn’t hand it to him.

It was a vicious circle.

Andrew is a different story because he really wants what he goes after and he works really hard at it. He is 100% dedicated. Perhaps a little too much, and that’s where the problem lies. He works so hard at attaining a level of competiveness that he never stops working. He never has any downtime. He is constantly ‘doing’ something so that he can stay ahead, or at least stay where he needs to be.

But he is also a teenage boy, and sometimes teenage boys are not the most focused kids on the planet. And he gets tired, both physically tired and he gets mentally tired and he wants a break. This is where it gets hard to parent. Do you let him take a break or do you push him to keep moving on. Unfortunately, Andrew has a knack for taking 5 hours to do what a normal person can do in 45 minutes. It is his most frustrating and irritating flaw. So as a parent, I see time management being the biggest obstacle, not so much the work load. As a parent I see his disappointment when he doesn’t reach his goals, and as a parent I see the need for him to turn it off and recharge his batteries.

It is a fine line…

Now that he has gotten older, it’s a little easier. He understands reasoning and he understands responsibility. We normally aren’t there when he sticks his hand up to volunteer for something and we aren’t there when he sets his swim or classroom goals. He does that on his own. I see our job being a coach to assist him in sticking to his obligations and to fulfill his wish list and attain his goals. We try not too push, but we do enforce. And we don’t do things for him but we will help with guidance and support.

It’s such a constant balancing act.

I guess he/we are fortunate that he LOVES what he does. To him it’s not as much work as it is fun stuff that takes up a lot of his time. And at the end of the day, I guess that is all that matters. He’s happy. Sure he gets pissed every now and then when we have to play the heavy, but after it is all said and done, he normally thanks us for that little pat on the back side to get him to the finish line.

Out of curiosity, how do you all handle parenting pressures?

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